My Lighthouse
by novacaineorchids
Summary: Edward wonders when his love will arrive. Pre-Twilight One-Shot


**In an extreme case of procrastination from doing English homework and writing the next chapter to REB (Which, if I don't get finished tonight, will probably be stalled until next week--my friends are staying at my house tomorrow) I wrote this. It's been bobbing in my head a while, and I wanted to post it. Enjoy!**

**Oh, and by the way, this is pre-twilight, the day before Edward meets Bella, to be exact.**

"EMMETT! WHAT THE HELL?" I tackled Emmett to the floor, making us tumble down the stairs. Emmett growled and fought back, and we went in to a full on wrestling match. The rest of the family walked in, making bets.

"Emmett for sure," Alice said.

"Well, Edward _does_ look determined," Jasper replied. Rosalie huffed and rolled her eyes.

"Boys! Off!" Esme stormed into the room. Carlisle yanked me off of Emmett. We stood in a crouch, growling at each other.

"What. The. Fuck." Emmett panted.

"You know exactly what, Emmett." I snarled.

"Oh, poor little Eddie isn't getting any," Rosalie mocked, "Get over yourself, Edward." I growled.

"Enough." Esme glared at us. "Emmett, upstairs." Emmett glowered at me before walking upstairs. Rose followed.

Carlisle looked at me, "Edward," he started, but I took off before he could finish.

I raced through the woods, trying to get as far away as possible. _He's such an asshole_, I thought to myself. In reality, it wasn't his fault. Him and Rose have a burning passion for each other, a desire that I could not comprehend. His thoughts got away from him while I was in the house, and my temper flared. I felt a little bad, but I was NOT going home. Not yet at least.

I sat down on a log and buried my face in my hands.

Why was it that I lived longer than most of my siblings, seen more of the world, yet somehow could not find love? What was wrong with me? Was I too mean? Did I have some sort of problem?

Could I just not love?

I had run into other vampires in my existence, and the females were very attractive. I could hear the vile things they thought of me when I was around.

Was that my problem? Because I knew what they thought?

Was _I_ too predictable?

They were beautiful, all of them. They each had some sense in them that I thought was appealing. But there was something about them, something I could not put my finger on, that turned me off every time.

I just couldn't see their faces.

Of course, in the literal sense, I could, but who they were, their smiles, their laughs, were all concealed from me.

I felt as if I was in some sort of fog. I was not trapped, so to speak, but more lost. They were dim lighthouses trying to guide my sailboat through the storm. They tried, but I just couldn't see. I was lost in a storm of loneliness.

"Edward,"

I looked up to find a pixie-like girl standing in front of me.

Alice.

I resumed my previous position.

"Edward, come inside." She begged, kneeling in front of me, "Emmett will apologize, I saw it. Just please. Don't hide out here forever."

"When?" I whispered, "When will I find a love of my own, Alice? When can I be happy?" My voice cracked, and I trembled.

Her expression went to pain, "I don't know."

"That's because I won't." I stood up and walked the opposite direction, "I'll NEVER find love, Alice. Never." I zoomed over to her, towering above, "Do you have ANY idea what pain I'm going through? To have three couples in the house, and to be the odd one out? To know that I will never find someone that will mean something to me." I held back a sob, and looked at her, "No. You don't. You never will."

Her eyes trailed to the ground, "I'm sorry, Edward. I'm sorry I have not seen anything. I try, honestly I do. I'll try harder, for you."

I fell to the ground beside her, "No, Alice. Don't apologize. You've done nothing wrong. She's just not out there, that's all."

She laughed weakly and shook her head, "No, Edward. She's out there. I just can't see her yet. You'll find her, one day you will, I promise."

I smiled, "Thank you,"

"Come on," she stood up and extended her arm out, "Let's go home."

"I'll be there in a few, Al. Just met me get my head together." She nodded and raced home.

She was wrong. She didn't see her because she wasn't out there. I'd never find her. And if she was alive, somewhere on this earth, where was she?

Where was my lighthouse?

**Review! How did I do? Good? Bad? Tell me!**


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